Santa's Reply!

I just got this email from Santa!

Emeline...

I have a very good reason why I am quite "obese". It started when I was 9, I was eating a delicious meal of cake and pudding, but my mother wanted me to try a fat-free fatty cake. Fatty cakes are cakes that make you as fat as...me in about 5.2 seconds. I was a little worried, but then I remembered they were fat free. So I ate one. But my mother always confused April Fool's Day with Christmas and they weren't fat free fat cakes they were extra fat fat cakes!! And the only way to solve is that is if I eat cookies from other people once a year.

Also, I love cookies. I can not resist. In 9,999 years, I will become normal because it takes 1,000,000,000 years to cure a extra fat fat cake by eating lots of cookies.

Ho ho ho were my first words. Not my problem, and what fool would want to say "I'm a lousy nitwit?". I'm not that kind of person.

How dare you say I am mean! First of all, I am riding on a magical sleigh, that one of my dearest elves made me. He said that the only way the sled will work if it was pulled by eight dear reindeer. They were willing to help, and I totally respected that. I would never do animal abuse to any kind of person, unlike you who killed a total thirty six fish. Who is the meanie now?

I named my reindeer after my grandfathers!!

So I hoped that I answered you're questions. I took the time to answer you're very irritating questions when I could have been eating some cookies. Tsk tsk on you.

Santa

My Letter to Santa

Hi Santa:

It's me, Emeline. I'm writing you a very sweet yet strange letter to you. I know, people say I'm "too old", but seriously, I've been such a good girl! Please do not give me coal (again)! Anyway, answer these questions before bruning this thing up.


1. Why are you fat? I mean, like, you want kids to live a safe, healthy life, but look at you you fatty. So big, no wonder kids cry when they hug you.
2. Why did you name your reindeer after....whatever? I mean who names reindeer "Cupid", "Vixen", or even "Ruldoph"? I mean medicine's name sound better!
3. Why are you always red? I mean like, the hat, the clothes, the face is all red! And don't you get pinched during St. Patricks day, since that's the only day you can be green, right?
4. What is wrong with you and cookies? Like, whenever people leave out cookies, ou always eat them. What are you, a fat guy giving everyone presents or a stalker trying to get our cookies?
5. How come you like to say ho ho ho? What's wrong with "I'm a lousy nitwit!"
6. This is my last question: why you so mean? First off, you make eight poor innocent reindeer pull that stupid sleigh. And how did that sleigh be so strong enough to hold a fatso like you?


So, please reply anytime soon. Reply, or I show up at the North Pole witha chainsaw. Like I said, I'm a sweet innocent girl who does not deserve coal for Christmas.

Whatever, Emeline